748.

It’s a normal day. I’m in my bed on my laptop watching some videos. Everything was great chill today but then… the sweating begins. It’s happening again.

It’s happening and I can’t stop it. The uncontrollable shivering…. It won’t stop.  The crying… It’s not stopping.  My heart its racing faster then I could ever imagine. I feel like I’m going to die. I’m tired of never being in control of myself… I’m tired of  it all. I’m tired of everything… I’m tired of–

“Sweetie… please just breathe. I need you to breathe”, she said… and so I did.

In 7. Hold 4. Out 8. Repeat. This is my daily routine. When the shivers begin. When the sweating intensifies. When the tears start to roll down. When I begin to overthink. When I begin to panic. She helps me to calm down and reminds me to breathe.

In. Hold. Out. In. Hold. Out.

I must remember to breathe, I tell myself. If this anxiety attack is ever going to pass, I must remember to breathe. She taught me that. “Breathing is one of the most important things to focus on when in a panic attack”. When I get stuck in my head, she helps me to silence myself and focus solely on the rhythm of my heart. That smooth feeling my breathe makes as it enters my mouth, goes through my lungs and exits through my mouth again. It’s all exhilarating really. 

Soon I’m chill again. My mind is quiet. The shivers stop. My heart is calm. No more crying… I’m relaxed.

“Please just breathe. In. Hold. Out. That’s all you need”,  Mary said.

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